We looked at the profound metaphor for enlightenment that is Harold Ramis’ Groundhog Day in my last post. What I didn’t realize was that I left out something and that its been holding me back.
I live out my own Groundhog Day and I haven’t totally transcended it; it still causes me suffering. Without getting too specific (though I do get pretty specific about it here and I am sure it will be discussed in lurid and raw detail in my eventual book), although I’ve surrendered to my own personal Groundhog Day drama and set to work on myself, I have still been waiting to wake up to my “new day” with a different set of circumstances.
What am I missing?
Well some insight came after two things happened:
1. I floated again today in the zen tank! And it looks like I may have hooked up a trade on free floats, so I am super stoked! Plus floating definitely brought me more awareness on this issue, as I will lay out in more detail below; and,
2. I got a vedic astrology reading from a friend who told me that Venus is in Pisces in my 8th house! (Serious tone:) What that means isn’t important for purposes of this conversation. But what it told me was that I am astrologically destined, in a sense, to continue to repeat these circumstances again and again.
Does that mean I’ll never break free?
And wow, have I been resisting that possibility! I’ve been hell-bent on changing my circumstances; on waking up to a new day where everything is different and I am free. Just like Phil Connors, right?
Let’s look at Groundhog Day again. Maybe I’ve been missing something. Let’s try a new proposition:
Phil Conners was destined to live out eternity in the small town of Punxatawney, repeating his days over and over.
At first he resisted, and he was literally stuck in his karmic wheel of circumstance. Then he embraced his destiny, made the best of it by surrendering to it and working on himself, and he ultimately “broke free,”
Only to willingly decide to live in Punxsutawny forever, repeating his days in the way days repeat in a small town,
where things don’t really change much from day-to-day. (As noted in the scene with these dudes, if you are familiar with the movie:)
That’s the part I forgot. Phil Connors wanted to live in Punxsutawney at the end of the movie; and if he hadn’t wanted it, his work would not have been done. Maybe we don’t break free from our karmic-Groundhog Day dramas in order to change our destiny; maybe we break free so that we can embrace our destiny and learn to want it as our own.
Phil Connors doesn’t change his destiny; he just looks at it from a new perspective – he embraces it; and, in so doing, lives happily ever after.
I’m ready for my new perspective, my happily ever after.
Not quite there yet, but I have a new level of awareness of my perceived problem. So what would Kelli do? (Sometimes I have to remind myself of my own profound wisdom). Well just last week I quoted scripture on this very subject. Hallelujah Jesus has the answers!:
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.
In all seriousness, I am asking for help. I’m asking for the vision to see my new perspective, to begin to want my destiny.
You know I’ll let you know what happens (though I may save it for the tell-all book).
*UPDATE* Insight came via my favorite American yogi Ram Dass. I read a post of his this morning which shed some light on the suffering I’ve been experiencing at the hand of my Groundhog Day drama. He said,
Think of how many relationships you say, “I really don’t like that person’s this or that. If they would only be this. If I could manipulate them to be this, I can be happy.” Isn’t that weird? Why can’t I be happy with them the way they are? You are a liar, a cheat and a scoundrel and I love you. I won’t play any games with you, but I love you. It’s interesting to move to the level where you can appreciate, love, and allow in the same way you would [with the different trees] in the woods.
That’s the “new perspective” I’ve been looking for. I’ve been suffering as a result of trying to change the people in my life. Instead of appreciating my relationships for what they are and appreciating each person in my life the same way one would appreciate different kinds of trees, I’ve been trying to manipulate those close to me into being what I want them to be. When they don’t live up to my expectations, I suffer. I don’t have to change those people or change my destiny so that my relationships are what I want them to be; instead, I can embrace the beauty of every person for what they are. I can embrace my karma that brings these people into my life. These amazing, soul-inspiring, and yet flawed-and-human people.
I can stop trying to mold them into who I want them to be. I can stop being disappointed. I can stop suffering.